The Snob in Me

My inner snob:


Will someday stand gaurd in the candy isle of the bulk wharehouse food store yelling, "If your butt is already bigger than your cart, don't go here!"

Admires the courage it takes to drive the fifteen year old rust bucket of a car she passes on the interstate and wishes she had one iota of mechanical abillty so she could drive one without knowing she would be stranded on the roadside for all eturnity.

Knows all drivers of cheap Jap bikes make the "BRROOMM-BROOMM-BLUB-BLUB-BLUB" Harley sounds on the down low. Wanna be's.

Giggles and points at people wearing knock offs. Have some integraty. Be genuine.

Pegs fellow barbique partakers from across the room with packages of dental floss when seen picking their theeth in public.

Longs to stop the jogger who's form resembles an albatross during take off to teach him a smoother, more gracefull stride. The day she can sprint farther than her mail box, she will do just that.

Automatically hears the phrase, "My daddy always says I'm the best kisser in the family", when she hears the word fish. That was the name of the kid in her class who married his own cousin. The fish that was suposed to be in her class, not his older bother, who had flunked, and was also in her class.

Will run the driver of the next automobile with faux wood panels off the road and tell them they are fooling no one. The only real woody driven was by a Flintstone.

Carries a picture of Jonny Depp in "Pirates of the Carribian" with her to show females who incurcle their eyes in heavy black eye linner. That hard look screams welfare whisky and food stamp crack.You can take the girl out of the trailer but you can't take the trailer out of the girl. That look doesn't even work for Jonny.

Whispers to herself, "No-no- what were you thinking? Blueberry is the new black", when she passes the big baby blue house on the corner.

Covers her ears while chanting, "Get in the now, get in the now", when forced to listen to the all eighties channel.

Dreams of buying the learing tool in line behind her wearing the t-shirt that says, "0-horny in 3.2 beers" three beers. Then shaving his mullet.

Despises shopping in Walmart for fear she too may one day find herself in the hair bleach section like the marority of shoppers there, thinking that giving herself her own home 'do is a good idea.

Slips fresh fruit into the shopping bag of the mom in the grocery store who is loading up on cocca pebbles, chef boy are dee and sunny delight.

Wouldn't be caught dead being seen with the likes of me.